BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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