You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
