Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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