in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
