Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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