one might say we're banned from that church
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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