So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
