I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
