She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
