More tranny stories later!
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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