i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
