Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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