Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
