We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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