Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
