In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
