ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
