I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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