I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He felt like a one man threesome
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
