tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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