And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
