I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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