and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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