Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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