That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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