it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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