I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
