You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
