do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
