No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
