I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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