im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They took my balls.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
