u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
