He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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