Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
