So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
