Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
