i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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