I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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