so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
