If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
