Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
