She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
