the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
