some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
