my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
