Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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