hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
