i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
