My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
