Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
