The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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